| well, it's happened |
[06 Aug 2003|10:44pm] |
I realized today that I finally became one of those people who only uses their lj for communities and a few friends-only posts. Crap and a half. I'd take a stand and say- no more! this ends here! but I'd be a fucking liar.
Too bad. I could always go back to the posts written in fantasy-character drama. I enjoy those, thank you very much.
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| ! |
[14 Feb 2003|11:34am] |
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Holy crap, was the last time I posted really in November??
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| V-day |
[14 Feb 2003|11:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
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slightly tipsy |
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So it's Valentine's day, but I don't feel bad at all. Kind of just cheerful for the world in general, you know?
Some of my closest girlfriends are getting together this afternoon, dressing in black, eating Ben and Jerry's and watching FoTR. I told them they should go see Two towers as well, since they all love it so much, and at this point, might not be a huge valentines movie.
I asked them how *much* Ben and Jerry's would be involved, and they just laughed in a kind of evil way. Part of me wants to go along, the other part would feel a little bit peculiar. The long-distance relationship thing sucks like hell.
Also, I don't particularly wish to be the victim of a vindictive icecream sacrifice. Or something.
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| to do is to be is to do |
[08 Oct 2002|11:36am] |
I'm sure I'm not the only one whose Muse only seems to visit when it is most inconvenient to sit down and actually write.
So do you lose the opportunity, or do you say to hell with whatever you should be doing and spend until 3am writing your novel...?
(*guilty cough*)
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| novel, novel, novel |
[03 Oct 2002|01:12pm] |
I think it's a good thing I have a month to work on this and work out some serious kinks.
This novel will be titled 'Mythwalker' and is epic fantasy. And I think it will turn out well. If I can just figure out what to do with that annoying priest...
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| cleaning |
[01 Oct 2002|10:21pm] |
*dusts off livejournal*
well, I've bought in and decided to go with NaNoWriMo or however one punctualizes that....
I think it will be marvelous.
And give me something to write in here, eh?
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| my favorite 'prophets' |
[11 Aug 2002|02:04pm] |
Comedy's showing "Dogma" this weekend, and I was lucky enough to catch one of the showings. Very nice.
Dogma's my fav. Kevin Smith movie, probably because it's so... original.
And on TV, I can watch it without flinching at all the language; isn't that nice?
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| seriously folks |
[09 Aug 2002|02:57am] |
Am I truly the only human being in America who did not rush out to buy LoTR on its release day? Now ok, obviously I do not at least have the hobbit obsession. (Not that there's anything wrong with hobbit-fanciers! heh)
I did download it (piracy!) and watched it again... and it was of course beautiful. Touching. Lovely.
I can't wait til Christmas of course.
But I still just can't bring myself to buy it when I know I'll have the huge 4-disc-er when it comes out...
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| Ah well |
[26 Jul 2002|02:26am] |
Back, from the land of... of not caring about the internet. Too many friends I no longer care to talk to.
ah well. I must say that This comic amused me to no end. Now if only my there were other people who understood it...
I do love comics. A little slice of heaven in a world that can be too very many shades of grey.
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| Time |
[03 Jun 2002|08:23pm] |
I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way, but I must heartily agree with every poet who has ever declared Time to be our enemy. Have I truly spent my whole life battling against Time? It sounds odd, but it seems that I have:
When I was a boy, I wished to be a man, to grow up, to become... a true person. Now I am here; have arrived and never even saw it happening. Was I a man when I left home, to strike out on my own?
But then, I didn't want to be where I was either. I never truly have, and the moments that I have gotten what I wanted, that for a brief moment I have experience perfect time, I have tried to hold on to those moments. I have tried to stay there, to hold on to the time that I knew would not last. Could not last. Will I ever find a place I want to stay? And yet I think I must. I can remember a time, not so long ago, when there was a time like that. 4 moons, perhaps a little longer, where every day I awoke knowing that my life was good, that I was where I wanted to be. And I did cherish it then, and still it slipped away. I truly have no control.
All I can do is keep trying, and hope to regain that place where I always want to be.
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| *sigh* |
[03 Jun 2002|08:12pm] |
I hate when people are upset. I always worry, that it's something I've done, even if it couldn't possibly be. Dammit.
I wish everyone could just be happy.
But I know it doesn't work that way.
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| I should really write more |
[28 May 2002|01:49am] |
It seems spring is fully upon us, and all the people around me are falling in love. I don't not, it seems have that luxury, and at times I wish that I too could fall in love. But I cannot, for my heart already belongs to another. It is not my own; and i will never reclaim it. Which state would not be undesireable, if only she were her with me.
I remember the first time I met her. I won't lie, and say that I fell immediately- that I knew instantly that she was the one, but even that I remember it so well, speaks of how much of an impression she made upon me.
I think that there are very few people who can truly understand the pain of not being with her, and of having no real hope to be with her any time soon. Because to so many people she is not real- is only a dream, an imagining of mine, and someone that they have never met. I am past wishing to be with her, though I will admit to still wishing that at times. Now all I can do is hope that she still loves me, as I will always love her.
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| more |
[06 May 2002|06:13pm] |
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I was a child of the forests. Courtrooms, palace halls, royal councils, all gave me a stifling sense of being trapped.
At a young age, I became very adept at disappearing. A castle is a marvelous place for a child to live- hiding places are many and varied; and their vary nature, existing for centuries, passed from generation to generation, means that what one king knows, the next may not. There are no 'royal blueprints' that pass from king to king; indeed many nobles could care less, thinking it only important to know where the vulnerable points are. Thus hidden passages are ignored, secret rooms forgotten, and small traps ignored.
When I was ten, for example, my sister and I found a series of concealed rooms in the first sub-level, kept by my great grand-father. He had, it seems, in his old age, become more and more affected in the head and began stashing his 'valuables' in these hidden chambers. To two young and bored children, a room full of woolen socks was a treasure of enormous magnitude, and a chamber filled with books, (every one of them blank) was a treat of unsurpassed riches.
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| I should start from the beginning |
[04 May 2002|11:41pm] |
In my land, they still hold many customs, which here would be considered archaic. Barbaric.
I am the eldest of my line, with one sister and then one brother under me.
Had my sister been born first, she would have been put to death within the week. For you see, in the superstition of our forefathers, to allow a girl-child to live is to invite the gods to grant more daughters upon the parents. I am glad to be the oldest, because my sister is dear to me. But for no other reason would I ever wish it.
My parents considered themselves lucky; first a son to heir, second a daughter to marry off, and thirdly another son so that there would be a choice of heir. (For in my land, the father chooses which of his sons will succeed him; else a cruel or witless man take power by chance.)
The place should have been mine; but I, alas, was too wrapped up in my own pursuits to be interested in such a position. I was agreeable, nay even glad, that my younger brother was desirous to take the throne. What want had I for power and with it responsibility?
*pause*
My mother knew, and my father I can forgive, but why did I, I of all men, not know my own brother well enough to see the monster he had become?
---
It is not without irony that I remember his telling me that he planned to change that law. "To put to death daughters is foolishness," he told me. "There are no gods alive that would punish a man for wisdom."
"Indeed, brother," I said, surprised at his words, for I at least knew him that well. "I too agree that it is foolish to destroy such great minds as would belong to our dear sister."
He laughed, a dark laugh. "Oh brother, it is not their minds that interests me. But think of the king who had a half score daughters to sell off! With money and property gained from their marriages, he would soon be the richest man in the world!"
He walked off, laughing at my slow-wittedness.
I believe it was that day that I first began to fear my younger brother.
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| angst |
[19 Apr 2002|02:33am] |
So very tired. My mind and heart are uncertain. I know not what to do, that could ease this constant suffering. To be here, so far from her, is torture, and yet there is nothing to be done about it.
If only I could reach her somehow...
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| the past |
[15 Apr 2002|06:32pm] |
I find myself thinking lately of my brother. He who so coyly grasped hold of our father, and then so suddenly tightened his grasp like a deadly python. And I helpless to do anything but watch. If I had but known, I would have behaved differenly; would have opened myself to the people, won their trust, their loyalty. But I was young and thought it unimportant; and now he is king, and I, forever exiled.
And my poor sister; married off to that intolerable baron... It is well that she is stronger than most think. She will give him a run for his well-flaunted money.
If I could find some way to return... even if the power was within my grasp, I have no way of knowing how strong the rebellion against my brother is. Oh I know there is rebellion. With only what I have seen of his hatred and cruelty, I can only imagine the suffering of our people. Of my people.
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| plans |
[15 Apr 2002|11:20am] |
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My associates and I staked the park out last night; those who hold it now shall not stand come next week. We will be victorious. And we will use our new takings for good.
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| no food |
[12 Apr 2002|10:40am] |
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Oh, please, is there much more frustrating than waking up to realize you have no food in the house?
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kaymin's journal